ESSENTIAL VIZSLA OWNERS CONTRACT
Written by (Reprinted & breed substituted with permission from Anna Prizzi 1999)
ESSENTIAL VIZSLA OWNERS CONTRACT
I do hereby swear that I/we will abide by all terms & conditions specified below. Upon signing this contract, I fully understand that all my vizsla's dreams will be realized for ever more and they shall assume their rightful position as the centre of the universe, leaving me as a mere human slave.
*My vizsla's desires are always paramount. My V's wish is my command. *GIVE, SHUT UP and LEAVE IT are useless requests, so I will stop using them. *I will not abandom my vizsla for trivial reasons like "going to work". *I will not yell at my V for creating "chew toys" from objects they find laying around. *I will try much harder to understand my V's language. *I will never go socializing with other canines without my V. *I will set up the "kiddie wading pool" every day it is hot. *I will not laugh at my V for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice he buried earlier in the day.
EXERCISE REQUIREMENTS AND DOGGY SOCIALIZATION
*I will not chase my V around yelling COME! when she is busy socializing. *I will not complain "my arm is tired" after only throwing the ball 50 times. *I will not confuse my V by throwing snowballs for her to fetch. *I will not ask my V to play fetch with a boomerang. *I will not drag my V from interesting sniffing spots during our walks. *I will not hide or place my V's ball in a place where I know she couldn't possibly retrieve it from and then ask her to go and get it... *I will drop whatever I am doing and take my V out as soon as she asks me to. *A little rain and a cool breeze is no excuse for not walking my V.
NUTRITION AND GROOMING
*I will not run out of treats. *I will always carry around cookies & treats and will instruct all my friends to do likewise. *I will never eat anything until my V has tasted what I have and approved it for me. *I will share everything I eat with my V. *I will not cut my V's toenails ever, ever again. *I will stop referring to my V's necklace as his "choke chain". *I will not bathe my V after he has just bathed himself in mud puddles, cow pats or dead animal remains.
AROUND THE HOUSE
*I will not sneak around the backyard, wearing funny clothes and a face mask, to test whether my V is a good watchdog. *I will not yell at my V to HURRY UP ALREADY when she's just looking for the right spot to take care of business. *Once she has found the right spot, I will not stare while she is doing her business. *I will not ask my V to retire to her crate anymore. *I will open the back door as soon as my V sits by it. *I will never again leave my V at home if I intend to go driving in the car.
CATS AND KIDS
*I will not bring home any more cats. *I will get rid of all those cats we currently own. *I will not feed the cat before I feed my V. *I will protect my V from all obnoxious little human things at all times. *I will not have another one of those obnoxious little human things.
THE CHRISTMAS SEASON
*I will not make my V wear silly looking antlers or red Santa hats. *I will not make my V pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit. *I will not tie leftover ribbons all over my V and call it "Christmas Spirit". *I will accept that my V shall play with the green tree covered in shiny ball- like ornaments. *I will remember to stuff a stocking and buy several presents for my V.